I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
