there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
