all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
