A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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