Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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