I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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