his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
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And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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