You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
