You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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