Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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