I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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