And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
