community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
