i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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