i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
