I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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