some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
