dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
