Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
