I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize