Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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