Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
