The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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