I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i believe in u and ur pee
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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