I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that