I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
