dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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