You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
