he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
