YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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