Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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