you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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