Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
