Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
