Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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