I just saw a hot homeless man
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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