Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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