I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
