Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize