Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
