just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
