I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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