Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
