i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
