walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
