I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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