roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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