ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
