This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
