Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
