Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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