Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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