so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
