I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize