u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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