This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's no shave November. This is our time.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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