remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
