get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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