oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
