i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
