Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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