Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
