I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
even my farts smell like vagina
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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