Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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