I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
