There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
