so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
