4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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