So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
