I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
