You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
