please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
