If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
