Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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