I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
