just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
