yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
