you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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