Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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