i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
