Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
