CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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