Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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